


Kisuke is Having None of This Shit

by northpeach, wolfsrainrules



Category: Bleach, Bleach Hellverse
Genre: Bleach hellverse - Freeform, Blood, Death, Do not get between PapaKisuke and taking care of his kids, Dragon Eclipse Verse, Fanfiction of a Fanfiction, Featuring Urahara Kaito from Dragon Eclipse, Gen, Hell, Ishida Ryuuken is a shit parent, Kaito gets hurt, Kisuke @ any other male parental figure:, Kisuke plans on rending entire dimensions to ash, Kisuke will burn the world down and salt the earth for his own, Parental Urahara Kisuke, Shiba Isshin is a shit parent, THESE ARE MY KIDS, Time Travel, Torture, any of them, because why not, do NOT touch his kids, don’t think he won’t kill you, established time travel, he was an assassin, hell is not a fun place okay, here’s a hint, i will fight you, it’s hell, they’re all his kids
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-10
Updated: 2018-10-10
Packaged: 2019-07-28 22:05:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16250711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/northpeach/pseuds/northpeach, https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfsrainrules/pseuds/wolfsrainrules
Summary: Bleach:Hellverse reimagined while playing in akaluan’s sandbox! Featuring Urahara Kaito from Dragon Eclipse.Kisuke will burn the world down and salt the earth for his own, do NOT touch his kids, any of them.(here’s a hint)(they’re all his kids)





	Kisuke is Having None of This Shit

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Akaluan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akaluan/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Dragon Eclipse](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4900900) by [Akaluan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akaluan/pseuds/Akaluan). 



> Wolfy did a thing and then I did a thing and this happened. It's all akaluan's fault though.

Orihime _did not_ want to be the one to explain everything to Urahara-san. He was going to be _furious_. Orihime already was, and she’d known what happened from the start. She was informed and as the only healer in their group, she stayed behind to take care of Karin-chan and Sado-kun.

However, Urahara-san….didn’t. She had only just found out that _no one_ had told him that his sons- Kaito, Ichigo, and Uryuu- had all gone down into **hell** with Renji and Rukia. And granted, Orihime could understand why no one had wanted to draw _that_ short straw, but it was going to be _so much worse_ now.

Because not only had his family walked into hell, but most of them were _trapped there (-dead, she deliberately didn’t think)_ , and Ichigo had _walked back into_ the gates to save them. Against the Soutaicho’s direct orders. By himself.

As in, without Urahara-san.

Who she had to tell all of this too.

Orihime squared her shoulders and calmly knocked on the doors of the Urahara Shoten.

* * *

 

A monstrously powerful, absolutely furious, crash of reiatsu escaped a normally calm man’s control and a thundering, **_“MY SONS ARE_ ** _WHERE?_ **_”_ ** echoed throughout the shop.

* * *

 

Kaito _ached_ , his entire body _throbbed_ , and he _hated this place_.

Which, okay, _Hell_ . That was the whole point, but he was never supposed to _experience_ it. And he _definitely_ did not want Uryuu, Ichigo, Renji or Rukia to live through it either.

And _Yuzu._

This **bastard** had touched _his_ \- Ichigo, and Shiro’s- _their_ sister. Had _brought her here_. Had allowed Hell’s Chains to attach to her.

Ichigo, Shiro, Zangetsu, and Kaito were all in complete agreement.

_This man was going to die._

He could feel the part of him that was still Quincy absorbing the energies of hell and it _burned_ like fire and acid and _agony_ . It ate at his insides like poison and rot, chipping away at his composure, but _damn it-_

Kaito would not- _could not_ \- leave the others here alone. Even as it seemed that _his_ chains were forming quicker than the others. He’d say it was due to his Quincy heritage absorbing what was around him, but Uryuu was still doing well. Mostly. At any rate, his chains were not forming as quickly.

And then Kaito saw Kokuto _move_ , chains glinting in the light, towards Ishida and he darted forward- _too slow!-_ he refused to watch someone else he cared for _fall_ -

He threw himself in front of Uryuu, knowing perfectly well he wasn’t quick enough to bring his sword up to block, but not caring. He choked, eyes widening at the sharp spike of agony as Kokuto’s blade slid home right where his chains had begun to form on his chest.

“ _KAITO!_ ”

He heard his name from multiple people, even as he twisted his face from agony to _rage_ , Shiro surging forward and lending his regeneration. It didn’t really do anything, not with hell’s energy tearing at him from inside, occupying most of the regeneration factor to begin with, and especially not so close to the chains.

He lifted Shiro’s blade, slashing at the man and driving him backwards even as arrows- Uryuu, infuriated and terrified at his back- flew over and around his body.

Kaito staggered as the blade in his chest was pulled free, and _his dad was going to_ **_kill him again-_ **

Uryuu, Rukia, and Renji lunged around him and-  _no!_

Kaito _howled_ his voice double toned as he watched all three of them fall to Kokuto’s blade. It was echoed soon enough, as Kurosaki’s reiatsu darkened and surged in a way Kaito’s _couldn’t_ for the moment.

 _“Ichigo!_ ” That was Renji’s voice.

Kaito acknowledged in the back of his mind, where rational thought was still happening, that the red head had quite a decent reason to sound so worried. This was not the smooth and effortless change from previous situations to the orange-ette’s Vasto Lorde form. This was a change triggered by _rage_ . It was complete and utter _instinct_ driven by fury, a desire to _destroy_.

Kaito’s legs folded, his shrieks of pained anger still double toned and echoing over the landscape to blend with the ones escaping Kurosaki.

And then Kurosaki _moved_ , and-

Kokuto laughed, gleeful cackles of manic cheer.

And Renji- Renji pressed a kido into Kurosaki’s back, and he was leaving, Yuzu tucked under an arm.

Kaito had a moment to spare the thought that he was glad Yuzu wouldn’t be here to witness his very spirited attempts to _murder_ the already dead. He could already feel his body remaking itself, as Hell brought him back from death, utterly conscious and aware of the painful healing process, the acidic-fire of hell’s energy scorching him from the inside out as it was used in the process.

Kaito staggered to his feet.

* * *

 

It was agony and terror and Kaito _wanted Urahara, he_ **_wanted his father_ **.

Kokuto managed to catch him, a blade in his chest, chains reaching for Uryuu-

He’d managed to catch him and _pin him_ like a bug, to the trees. Renji and Uryuu were hanging from their chains above his head.

They were rotting.

They were _rotting_ while still alive, and Kaito _screamed_.

This would haunt him until the end of days.

So would Rukia’s screams as she was burned alive and remade only to burn again.

Gods, he wanted his dad, and his _comforting-protective-vicious_ reiatsu. He wanted to feel _safe_ , to know that none of this would be able to touch him again.

Ichigo, Shiro and Zangetsu were the only things holding him together over the scent and _feel_ of rot. The rot that was happening to his body at this very moment. Skin peeling, bubbling, _melting_ away until bone remained, only for hell to heal the damage and _begin again_.

His breathing was ragged, and he was thankful that Uryuu and Renji had fallen unconscious some time earlier. He couldn’t stop the choked moan as his skin began to rot again, shuddering where he was pinned and his eyes just barely open.

Kokuto was _sitting there_ with his sword stabbed in the rock, like he was relaxing in a park. Kaito wanted him _dead_.

But any subtle twitch or tug rippled through the decaying muscles of his body, and Kaito couldn’t make muscles that weren’t _there_ to use pull himself off the tree. He really was pinned like a bug in a case. Forced to listen to his _friends_ ’ screams, enduring torture of his own.

He _loathed._

* * *

 

And then Kurosaki was _there._

Kaito had expected no less- this _was_ Ichigo after all, and Kaito was certain he’d come back for Uryuu, Renji, and Rukia if nothing else. He wouldn’t leave them here. Not in literal hell. Not while he breathed.

_“Uryuu! Renji! Kaito!”_

And then:

_“Rukia!”_

Oh yes.

Kurosaki was in full form as he lunged for Kokuto.

Kaito allowed himself to sag against the blades that pinned him in place. He had faith in Ichigo, no matter when or where.

* * *

 

Kisuke did not deal well with panic.

And he was absolutely, definitely, one hundred percent, panicking.

 _His family was_ **_in hell_ ** _._

His sons and their friends were _in hell_ . The netherworld. The Inferno, the abyss, jigoku, the World of Darkness - **_HELL._ **

Without him. His kids up and went to hell, presumably with some kind of plan or reason that neither included him nor informed him.

And really, that was the part that was getting to him. It was the ‘not included’ part. He could have _helped_ them. Would have. Wouldn’t have even hesitated. At the _very least_ it would be a chance to study a realm that literally no one else had before, but considering that Uryuu, Ichigo, Rukia, Renji _and Kaito_ all went _without him_ -

No one _told him_ . No one even mentioned anything.Not even Kaito, who had promised to do so if he had the time- which implied that he _hadn’t had it_ , because Kaito kept his promises.

No one had even mentioned it, hinted at it- hadn’t even told him that Ichigo had _come back_ here only to turn around and save his friends. Kisuke’s _sons_.

Until Orihime. After the fact.

Kisuke stared at the entire kido corps, all neatly arranged around the entrance to hell- _which was broken-_ containing any and everything that tried to escape it. And things- he wasn’t sure what they were- _were_ trying to get out.

Kisuke _snarled_ , tightening his grip on Benihime as he stared down the gate and the monsters that stood in his way.

He would _end them_. Them and anyone or thing else that got in his way.

Kisuke’s hands shook, and Benihime needed no call to awaken her, she was already _screaming_ in his head, songs of death and destruction and blood that would reign should what was _theirs_ not return. The Captains that stood inside the barrier, fighting the creatures that tried to escape the gate were dripping sweat, and had obviously been fighting for some time.

( _How long had his sons been inside, how long were they going to wait to_ **_tell_ ** _him?)_

Kisuke wasted no time in lunging forward to join the battle. The faster this threat was gone, the quicker he would get information on his family.

* * *

 

Kaito sagged heavily against Kurosaki’s side, his legs shaking under his weight.

The chains were gone- Kurosaki had cut them- but his body had still been _rotting_ and nothing wanted to work. He kept his eyes closed, faint tremors shivering through his form, and he didn’t fight it when Kurosaki’s arm tightened around him. Uryuu’s palm was a warm weight at his back, firm pressure against his spine that made the tremors worse.

“Let’s go home.”

Kaito’s voice was wrecked from screaming, but he didn’t care. His father was outside that gate, Kaito _knew_ he would be and all he wanted was to curl up in Kisuke’s lap like he was a small child to be shielded from the world. He didn’t care what it made him look like.

He felt _safe_ there, and right now….right now Kaito desperately needed that.

“Can you change back?”

“No!” Kaito interrupted before Kurosaki could begin to follow through with the suggestion. “Keep it for now- it’s what is stopping the Kushanadas from attacking any of us. If you give it up we’re going to have to run and hope we’re not caught again and I-” Kaito paused, his mouth dry. “I’m _tired.”_

Kurosaki’s eyes _burned_ when he looked at him, and It took Kaito a few moments to realize it was _protectiveness_ that drove the look in his eyes. A dare to the world, to _try_ and touch him. A threat that this Ichigo would follow through on.

“Yeah,” he agreed softly. “Alright. Come on guys.”

Kurosaki’s eyes turned to the still kneeling, yet towering forms of the Kushanada. “Let’s go home.”

Kaito didn’t even startle as the creature reached down, picking all of them up in its massive palm and striding towards the exit. It moved with an odd sort of gait, but the trip was smooth. None of them were afraid. Rukia was looking up in awe at the creature while Renji had a look like exasperation on his face. Ichigo wore the armor, bones that shone gold and as long as he did, he was the driving force behind them- the general and king of hell for the moment- and Kaito knew while that held true these beings would not hurt any of them.

His hands _shook_ as he approached the gate, and he clenched them around his own arms.

(*Easy.*)

His own Ichigo’s voice was steady, powerful as he soothed from within, offering his own strength and swamping their shared mind with his protectiveness. He could feel Zangetsu’s quiet support and Shiro’s intense focus as he tried to heal what he could, despite hell’s energies still burning in Katio’s veins.

Kaito quivered with it, everything in him wanting to _break_ for the moment. Everything in him craving a safe place to fall, to _rest_.

But not here.

No, not here-

 _There_.

The doors of hell stood tall against the crimson sky, darkly red and wrapped with chains. The Kushanada carrying them reached out it's free hand, pushing them open in a swirl of reiatsu. Hell’s guardians obeying Kurosaki’s will. The one that held their forms stepped forward, thrusting its arm outside the gates and into the World of the Living. All of them instinctively took a deep breath of fresh air. The Kusanada paused a moment, it’s fingers carefully uncurling before it slowly lowered its hand.

Kaito staggered down and off, automatically bracing himself in the air with his reishi. His eyes were immediately fixated on the familiar source of an agitated and furious, viciously, protective presence just as swiftly honed in on his own.

“ _Dad_.”

it was barely a sound at all, that small, breathless word that left his lips, but Kisuke was suddenly _there-_ his arms wrapping desperately around Kaito’s bloodied form. He ignored all the leftover signs of Kaito’s stay in hell- the soot, the blood, the torn clothing, the lingering scent of _rot_ , the faint burns- to instead wrap Kaito in his embrace and-

His father’s reiatsu curled around his shoulder, like a particularly thick and warm blanket. A hand gently carded itself through his hair, a thumb swiping over the clammy skin of his neck, seeking a pulse point. In the same instant, Kurosaki banished the golden armor, along with the Kusanada and the Gates of Hell with a wave of his hand. Such things vanished from the range of his sensing ability.

Kaito _sagged_ like his strings had been cut, a small wounded sound escaping him, even as he snuggled into his father’s chest, hands fisting into the soft, well worn material of a familiar green jinbei. He easily sensed what was the majority of the captains and lieutenants of the Gotei 13, including  Yamamoto-soutaicho himself. In that moment he was uncaring of their audience, because he was hurt, he was exhausted and right now he was safe, _safe,_ ** _safe_ ** -

* * *

 

Kisuke ponders absently on exactly _how_ he can go about destroying hell. It’s a mess because of all the souls that are currently _in_ hell, and Hell itself, not to mention the whole _separate dimension_ thing. He currently doesn’t have a method to destroy a dimension.

It’s going to wait, because Kaito needs him, but Kisuke is going to look into it. He tries not to think about _why_ Kaito smells like a rotting body over the scent of blood and burned flesh. If he thinks about it too long Benihime’s screams for vengeance and death start to drown out everything else. Kind of like how he’s honing his focus in on his son who is practically crawling into his lap.

In front of an audience.

Which Kaito doesn’t even seem to _notice_ , though Kisuke knows that he does. It’s just not something his son is focusing on at the moment. He’s trembling. A glance up shows the glimmering orange of Orihime-chan’s Shun Shun Rika shield and all of them are pretty much in the same condition. Uryuu-kun’s formerly white Quincy uniform is anything but. Mostly, it looks stiff and reddish brown. Exactly like most of the stains on Kaito’s formerly _blue_ clothing.

Sometime he _hates_ his ability to accurately extrapolate from very little data offered.

Kisuke lowers them both down, an absent flex of reiatsu expanding his platform to allow him to sit with his legs crossed. Kaito shifts easily with him, pushing his body in closer to Kisuke, nuzzling into his chest, arms wrapped as tightly as he can manage around  Kisuke’s frame, calloused hands clenching over his coat even as Kaito presses himself flush to Kisuke’s side.

_Methods to destroy a dimension while reducing any after effects on any other nearby realms, number two on To-Do list._

Number one….

Number one is to get his family home, behind his wards, into warm showers and fed.

Kisuke stands easily, lifting his son into his arms as he goes, and tried not to let how _infuriated_ he is when Kaito doesn’t even fight him on it, only snuggles into his chest.

“Are we goin’ home?” Kaito’s voice is raw- _from screaming, Urahara doesn’t think lest he rampage straight into and then through hell-_ when he asks the question.

“Of course!” Kisuke forcibly injects cheer into his voice, catching Ichigo’s gaze as Orihime-chan’s shield drifts closer. “Of course, I’m taking everyone home.”

“.....M’tired, dad.”

Kisuke’s throat tightens. He recognizes that tone, what it means to hear the less formal address for himself from Kaito’s mouth, and he aches and rages with it in equal measure.

“I’ve got you.”

Kisuke moves quickly over to the rest of his boys, shifting Kaito to one arm as the other runs over both Ichigo and Uryuu, voicing soft questions on their health and wellbeing escaping even as he pulls them both carefully into his sides.

It soothes the beast in him to have his sons so close, where he can protect them, though it does not satisfy it. No- that will not happen until every being and thing that caused this harm was _dead_. Preferably in the most painful way Kisuke could think of.

He can think of a lot.

* * *

 

Soi Fon is deeply concerned about this situation. First, that Kurosaki Ichigo was allowed to return to hell. Second, that even though the Gates of Hell were mysteriously fixed, aforementioned Substitute Shinigami somehow _commanded_ the Kushanada to open them for him, along with Urahara Kisuke’s son, the Quincy child, Kuchiki Rukia and Lieutenant Abarai of the Six Division.

She assumed it had something to do with the golden skeletal armor that covers him head to toe. It’s the Quincy who confirms it with a flash of his glasses and a dry, pointed-

“You can abdicate your throne now, Kurosaki.”

The response to _that_ statement was when the armor melted away in a golden light, along with the Kushanadas withdrawing back into Hell, the Gates slapping shut in front of them.

“Don’t get so worked up, Ishida. Who would want to rule Hell anyway?”

“People who get possessed by weird things-”

“ _Oi._ ”

There’s no father banter between the two, as Urahara Kisuke rises to his feet, his son cradled in his arms. Soi Fon takes this as the moment to insert herself into the situation before it gets even more out of hand.

“Urahara,” Soi Fon barely keeps the disgust out of her tone, but most of the events that transpired are unknown and clarification is required, “A report is needed from all those who were involved with Kurosaki-”

Bloodlust sings and Soi Fon chokes. Eyes wide she stares into cold eyes as Urahara turns to look at her. His arms are full of his son and he hasn’t moved, save to shift his gaze over his shoulder. Yet…

Yet, she can feel cold steel at her throat, a presence that stands before her that sends shivers of fear down her spine. Soi Fon is harshly reminded that Urahara Kisuke was the Head of the Detention Unit and was not removed from the Onmitsukido because someone _stronger_ came along, but rather as a political move initiated by Yoruichi-sama.

“ _Later._ ”

It is a statement of fact, law written into word, a dare and a promise for all that the tone in which it is said is steady, soft and perfectly even.

Soi Fon knows a command when she hears one, and is well aware of the _promise_ in Urahara Kisuke’s eyes over something as easily ignored as a threat.

She dips her head shallowly once, even though the action grates at her pride.

Agreement or death.

She would get her answers later. Her gaze slides over to the two Shinigami that were present in this mess. A heartbeat later, Urahara steps forward.

“Abarai-san, Kuchiki-san, will you be accompanying us? You are more than welcome,” _that man_ adds with a touch of his usual lackadaisical manner.

Soi Fon grits her teeth, but remains silent at Yamamoto-soutaicho’s inaction. She only watches as relief touches their faces and they readily agree. It’s not even that man that is ready to stand against her. It’s the Substitute Shinigami and the Quincy that have leveled their gazes at her. Still, she makes no move. It’s not worth the fight at this time.

She turns on her heel and shunpos away. She has her own reports to write.

* * *

 

It’s still dark when everyone finally slips into sleep.

Shower, food, clean clothes and a mess of futons and blankets dominate the middle of the room. Kisuke himself is holding Kaito, one hand gently stroking his hair. Uryuu-kun is curled on his other side, with Ichigo-kun sprawled out above them. Orihime-chan has somehow snuggled herself between the Quincy and the substitute Shinigami and Rukia-san sleeps across from her. Both Sado-kun and Abarai-kun are tucked on the outside, as if guarding those behind them.

It’s likely the reason for that.

Still, everyone’s reiatsu is calm and sleepy, intertwined with one another and any lingering unwillingness to fall asleep has long since faded. Perhaps there will be nightmares, but Kisuke hopes tonight brings up no new memories or fears into their unconscious minds.

Still- just in case- he allows his reiatsu to blanket the area, projecting his intent to guard and protect across the room. No one and nothing will be allowed in this room while Kisuke breathes.

He pressed a kiss on Kaito’s temple and allows his own eyes to slip shut. He’ll sleep lightly, but it’ll be enough to take the edge of exhaustion off. There was work to be done.


End file.
